We have discovered that one of the primary reasons women stay in less-than fulfilling relationships is because they have invested too much time and energy into their boyfriend/fiance. We heard things like, “We dated for seven years and I did not want to throw all of that away. I was hoping it would turn out ok.” Seven years is a long time to be in a relationship but imagine a life time with someone who you have doubts about! Don’t fool yourself into thinking that marriage will somehow magically improve the relationship-it won’t. Here’s the story of a woman who recently contacted us about her doubts of the man she has been dating for 15 years. “Tamra’s” story is a common one and we think she already knows the answer to her questions. When you are with the right guy, you will never have serious doubts about him or about your relationship. You will bring out the best in each other. And when you describe him, your face will light up and you won’t use words like “spineless” to describe him. What do you think?
Hi, I just came across your site and found your articles to be very helpful and would like to get your input on my situation. I’m 31 and have been with my first boyfriend since I was 16. While he has been wanting to get married the last 3-4 years, I didn’t quite feel ‘ready’ to and wanted to wait until it felt right. Well I turned 31 a couple months ago and I’m scared about why I still don’t feel ready. My boyfriend is a really good person. He’s cares about me and he is invested in a future together but I have reservations about certain things about him. He has problems taking initiative and making good decisions about important things.
One example is that he was working for a company that was being bought out last year. Even though he knew his job was really insecure, he wouldn’t even look for something else no matter how many times I brought it up. He just kept wanting to ‘wait and see’ if he could get a promotion before leaving and now his situation looks even worse because of the job market. In fact, he went out and spent a couple grand on a new entertainment system and ps3. And a couple years ago we had to look for another apt to rent and I was the only one looking and worrying about finding another place. He didn’t seem worried about doing anything even though we were running out of time. I feel like the only way he ever does something important (work, finding apt) is if I nag him into it. I hate feeling like I have to nag him! He also has a lot of problems standing up for himself (at work, w/ family) and can be a big push over with everyone.
On top of the fact that he’s like this, he has no sense of humor and we don’t have anything to talk about a lot of the time. I’m lonely a lot of the time and he doesn’t seem to notice. I’m worried that if we get married, I”m going to feel like I’m always doing everything by myself and making decisions alone and won’t really have a partner the way I need. Other times I”m afraid I’m just being too critical and that I just need to settle down and start having a family asap. I know I made him sound like a slacker but he’s pretty responsible most of the time even if he’s a little spineless sometimes. I feel like if I knew I was with the right person, I would love to get married. I’m just not sure if we’re right together even after being together so long – what does that mean? Am I just being too picky and critical? Am I just expecting him to be too perfect? (I know no one is) Or am I just wasting valuable time just ‘waiting’ for a relationship to feel right?
