How do you know when you are just settling? And does it really matter if you do? We’ve talked to plenty of women who know they are settling for a lukewarm relationship. Deep down they know their boyfriend is not right for them–yet they stay. They like him, but they’re just not crazy about him. They enjoy his friends and his family. They also like the security of having a boyfriend. But is this really the right way to live your life? We don’t advise you to wait for the PERFECT MAN– but we do encourage you to find the PERFECT MAN FOR YOU!
A twenty-something friend of ours read an early draft of our manuscript–she says it helped give her the courage to get out of her previous relationship. We asked her to share her insights in order to help other women understand what “settling” is all about. We think her advice is excellent:
Not too long ago, someone gave me a great piece of personal advice – not to ever, EVER settle for the wrong guy. At the time I don’t think I wanted to admit it, to myself or anyone else, but her words hit home to me.
I was with a guy for almost two years. Things seemed fine on the surface, and indeed they were that. Just fine. Not good, not bad. Just ok. As things got more serious between the two of us, I slowly started to wonder what my life would be like if I decided to stay with this individual for the long haul. Did he care about me? Yes. Did he love me? No doubt. Were we compatible for each other? Eh, probably not. How did I feel about him? He was a good guy, but I really wasn’t sure.
You see, from the beginning there were little things about him that I wasn’t fond of, but I let them slide because of how much he liked me. I wanted to be with a guy who was head over heels for me, which he was, but for some reason I didn’t fully feel the same way in return. He was a good guy. But there were a lot of little things that weren’t part of who he was that were just “missing” from our relationship. He was immature. Not romantic in the least. Sometimes it seemed like we were just good friends, and I knew that in a relationship I wanted and needed more. Plus, he was co-dependent. It seemed like we always had to be together in our spare time. So, I decided to leave. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But now I know for sure that it was worth it. I waited awhile before moving on, because I needed time to myself before I was ready for another relationship. And I needed to learn from this experience too. If I would have communicated my feelings more, maybe I would have realized and admitted that he wasn’t the one for me much earlier on. Recently, one of my friends set me up. I was hesitant at first, but after I met him things just clicked, naturally. He’s such a great guy, everything I was looking for – mature, romantic, he shares the same interests as me and he is extremely thoughtful. I love that he continues to have his own life and I have mine. We don’t have to spend every waking moment together, but when we do it’s great. Plus, there is chemistry. You know, that unexplainable feeling you get when you are around the person that just feels right rather than just fine. That’s the difference. Who knows what will happen with my new relationship, but no matter what I know I’ll be happy with not settling for just fine.
Does her advice resonate? Do you feel a little bit uncomfortable? Do you agree or disagree? And finally, what’s the difference between settling and compromising? We’d love to hear your thoughts!
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