My coauthor Jennifer and I have made it our mission to help women unstuck from the wrong guys. It can be a little uncomfortable to recognize your own mistakes in the stories of others…but we remind women that they are never going to meet the right guy–their half orange–if they are stuck in a relationship with the wrong guy. After we have their attention they always ask us:
“So How do I find the right guy?”
Our answer? Read Amy Spencer’s book: Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match.
We love Amy’s upbeat, positive approach to dating that doesn’t require a woman to change everything about herself to meet a man…or to settle. We are thrilled to have Amy sharing some of her upbeat advice as a guest blogger today!
How to Find the Right Guy After Not Marrying the Wrong One
By Amy Spencer
I thought about marrying a few of the guys I dated, but thank heavens I didn’t. Because by turning away those wrong guys, I ended up with the right one in a very happy marriage.
I credit my choice to a switcheroo in attitude that led me to write my new book Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match. What the heck is a half-orange, you ask? It’s based on the Spanish phrase mi media naranja, which translates as “my half-orange” but has come to mean “my sweetheart, my perfect other half.” And we all deserve one.
That’s why I’m so in love with the idea of Anne Milford and Jennifer Gauvain’s new book How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy. Because in order to find your right half-orange, you have to be willing to let the wrong guy go, and their book offers wonderful insight to help you break free. Before you’re ready to let go of that wrong one guy, of course, you need a strategy to find the right one. That’s where dating optimism—which is based in neuroscience and positive psychology—comes in. It led me straight to my husband, and it can lead you to yours.
I think the reason many of us stay stuck in relationships that don’t make us shine is that we picture the alternative: Being alone, on our own, with no man in sight. I felt that numbing panic when I was single until I realized this: “I can go on living as a scared, anxious woman, or I can be the happy, fulfilled, brave woman now who I want to be in a great relationship later!” That was my turning point, and it can be yours: By being your happiest, most authentic self, you will create an energy around you that will draw the right person to you naturally.
Here’s my best trick to jump start your dating optimism and find your half-orange in love: Look at the list you’ve been using all these years about what kind of man you want—where he’s “handsome,” “funny” and has a “good relationship with his family.” Now, take that list and toss it! Because by putting all that focus on what you want in a man, you take the control out of your own hands. Instead of listing what you want in a guy, list how you want to feel in a relationship.
For example, instead of “handsome, ask for “A relationship in which I feel madly attracted to my partner.” And instead of “funny” ask for “A relationship where we laugh our patooties off together.” In other words, stop looking at him and start looking into yourself. How do you want to feel in your perfect relationship? Your half-orange wants you to feel happy, pretty, smart, excited, loved, fulfilled and inspired. I think you should give yourself a chance to feel all that, too, and more.
Brilliant, isnt it? Let Jen and I show you how to avoid the wrong guy, and Amy can help you bring in the right guy! To read more from Amy, visit her blog, TheDatingOptimist.com And if you were wondering how I got unstuck from the wrong guy–and how I found my half-orange– you can get the whole scoop on that story, too!
I am one of those women that married the wrong guy and knew it. Somehow, I would have hoped that this book would have came out sooner. Your book is so on point about listening to yourself. But most importantly trusting yourself. Its quite sad that now a days there are so many books out there where the focus is to stay in relationships; but there is little about moving forward and ending the wrong kind of relationships. *nd you are very right, if it starts off badly, then it will continue to become worse. That is exactly what happened with my marriage. No amount of counseling or “reasoning” could fix the problems. There where some really big red flags that I ignored. The problems didn’t start after the marriage. There where always there. I never paid attention to them. It wasn’t until I was married that I realiZed he was irresponsible, couldn’t balance his budget, hold a job for longer then three months at a time, he didn’t know the meaning of saving. After the first year of marriage, things became abusive. I have been divorced for close to seven years. I am happier and healthier. As painful as that experience was for me; I have learned what I want from my relationships. No, it hasn’t been easy but I would rather NOT settle for Mr. Okay for Now. And that’s another thing; too many time women settle for Mr. Okay for Now instead of holding out for the right guy.