We received this great comment from one our blog readers and thought it was worth reposting. Our book is filled with stories like hers. It is really hard to fix a marriage that is wrong from the start. All the women that shared their stories of doomed-from-the start relationships and/or marriages were willing to revisit painful memories in the hopes of helping other women. And for any guys who are reading this—all of this advice can help you, too. It is the exact same advice for men. Live and learn:
I am one of those women that married the wrong guy and knew it. Somehow, I would have hoped that this book would have came out sooner. Your book is so on point about listening to yourself. But most importantly trusting yourself. Its quite sad that now a days there are so many books out there where the focus is to stay in relationships; but there is little about moving forward and ending the wrong kind of relationships. And you are very right, if it starts off badly, then it will continue to become worse. That is exactly what happened with my marriage. No amount of counseling or “reasoning” could fix the problems. There where some really big red flags that I ignored. The problems didn’t start after the marriage. There where always there. I never paid attention to them. It wasn’t until I was married that I realized he was irresponsible, couldn’t balance his budget, hold a job for longer then three months at a time, he didn’t know the meaning of saving. After the first year of marriage, things became abusive. I have been divorced for close to seven years. I am happier and healthier. As painful as that experience was for me; I have learned what I want from my relationships. No, it hasn’t been easy but I would rather NOT settle for Mr. Okay for Now. And that’s another thing; too many time women settle for Mr. Okay for Now instead of holding out for the right guy.
We couldnt have said it any better ourselves! Thanks for sharing your story!
Sympathy, Pity or Love
I married him 7 years ago. I knew he was Mr. Wrong and I married him anyway just because of sympathy on his pitiful background. His father abandons him and his mom when he was 12 years old. He had a very struggle arduously childhood. He is not educated but he owns his business when he was early 20. We married after 1 year and 9 months of relationship. I proposed to break-off in between this relationship because I really don’t feel he was my Right guy. But he cry, he beg me to stay, he loved me and he promised me he’ll taking good care of me, good care of my family and so on…. I’m soft-hearted woman; he knew my weakness and always take advantages attack my weak point.
We are from different channel; we are expecting on different life and things. He is egoism; he is supercilious, irresponsibility and never cares about my feeling. But I’m tried my very best to accommodate him and to be an obedience wife. After few months of married I was regretted and realized he and his mother was harder to get belong. I was pregnant after 6 months of married. I’m very sick during early stage of pregnancy and he felt fed up to take care of me. He places me at my mom house and travel to overseas regularly on business needed. 10 months of pregnancy he accompanies me to gynecology centre follow-up less than 5 times. He never knew how to take care on a pregnant wife about food, about physiological needs or altering and consult a doctor. I’m the one to arrange myself to which hospital and some more planned for expenses until gave birth. 2 months ago to give birth, I found out he got affairs with the ‘H” lady. I can’t do anything at that moments, I stayed calm and wait for my son delivered. Few days after I gave birth, he went to overseas with ‘H’ lady again; he seems like forgotten he had a wife just gave birth at home. It’s was very hard to pass during my confinement, I need to drive myself brought my son to check up after a week of delivered. My mother-in-law was an old-fashioned woman and doesn’t let me go back my mom house but she can’t take care of me and my son. I really sad and heart broken on that time and told myself will not to have second baby with this wrong guy anymore. I speedy slim down after 2 months of gave birth. There’s been heartache and pain experienced for me. A man can spend freely with his friends/girl friends around him but haggle over the things to spend on a baby and family.
I’m 25 at that moments, I decided to stayed on to keep endure this unhappy married life because of my son. I knew I’m so silly I thought my son will make him changes but he seems likes become aggravated. I keep on telling myself need to run away from him in 1 day and he is smart, he is not confidence with me as well so he pull me into his company as a bulk loan guarantor. He tightens me with this kind of method. I got no choice I just follow whatever he wants I to be despite I’m not talented and capable. He treated me coldly, he never hold me, hug me and we don’t have intimate relationship more than 3 years. I’m just his de facto wife assist him taking care of the mess of business he left. I sustain I holding on hope he’ll come back to settle off my name which stuck into company bulk loan. Before all the business collapsed this year, he back on Jan and took off the last draw of all cash went back to his another home town. He told me that time; this is last chance for him to fight to rescue the company. How naïve, how purify of me, I really believed him, I let him go with all of the money and he left all the debts for me. Last 2 months, I been tipped by his overseas friend, he was staying with a lady for more than a year and recently purchased a house and car and running restaurant business. Finally, I manage to get down to met up with him and catch him back to sign the divorced petition with me. So now the chapter closed but me being sued by banks on bankruptcy action. He enjoy his life with his new lover some where else.
I want to know what love is. Anyone can tell me what love is? Life without love, caring, sharing and understanding for 6 years just hoping for run away from him…… Now, I did it! I bring along my son 6 years old, I didn’t gained anything of this married but I lost everything except my son. The day before he signed, we met up and my son around too. He admits he was so wrong and I forgive him. I asked him must have good stay with his new lover and must have good life in future. Honestly, I’m not blaming him; I don’t have any feeling of angry at all. Maybe my love gone and my heart died 6 years ago. I think this is the KARMA in life everything was be doomed!
Maybe God wants me to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one. So that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful. I always talk to myself “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”. I fear to get HURT of love again BUT life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. Why “LOVE” it’s HARD? In life there are very rare chances that we’ll meet the person we love and loves us in return. I also talk to myself IF I’ve these rare chances I’ll give my love without measure and I don’t ever let go, I want holding on, I want treasure till the end of time. Life is short, I was wasted 7 years, and I wish I’ll have simple but wonderful life in future. I’ll expect less, give more, and live simply waiting for MIRACLE appearance.