We received this great comment from one our blog readers and thought it was worth reposting. Our book is filled with stories like hers. It is really hard to fix a marriage that is wrong from the start. All the women that shared their stories of doomed-from-the start relationships and/or marriages were willing to revisit painful memories in the hopes of helping other women. And for any guys who are reading this—all of this advice can help you, too. It is the exact same advice for men. Live and learn:

I am one of those women that married the wrong guy and knew it. Somehow, I would have hoped that this book would have came out sooner. Your book is so on point about listening to yourself. But most importantly trusting yourself. Its quite sad that now a days there are so many books out there where the focus is to stay in relationships; but there is little about moving forward and ending the wrong kind of relationships. And you are very right, if it starts off badly, then it will continue to become worse. That is exactly what happened with my marriage. No amount of counseling or “reasoning” could fix the problems. There where some really big red flags that I ignored. The problems didn’t start after the marriage. There where always there. I never paid attention to them. It wasn’t until I was married that I realized he was irresponsible, couldn’t balance his budget, hold a job for longer then three months at a time, he didn’t know the meaning of saving. After the first year of marriage, things became abusive. I have been divorced for close to seven years. I am happier and healthier. As painful as that experience was for me; I have learned what I want from my relationships. No, it hasn’t been easy but I would rather NOT settle for Mr. Okay for Now. And that’s another thing; too many time women settle for Mr. Okay for Now instead of holding out for the right guy.

We couldnt have said it any better ourselves! Thanks for sharing your story!

Deep down, you probably already know the answer–but we can help you find the courage you need to take the next step.

Thanks for stopping by our website and our blog. If you are here, we suspect that you are having doubts about your boyfriend (or girlfriend). That is why we created this website and wrote our book –to help women evaluate their doubts and find the courage they need to get “unstuck” from the wrong guy. We have  spent years gathering the stories of hundreds of women who dated and/or eventually married the wrong guys. Here are some things we uncovered in our research that you might find helpful:

Every woman we talked to who opted to stay in a relationship with guy that she knew was wrong for her regretted it. Ditto for the woman who got married against her better judgment

Every woman who ended the relationship with the wrong guy or called off the wedding DID NOT regret it. Not one!

It can be more difficult to end a relationship with a nice guy than with an obvious liar, addict or cheater.

Gut feelings can manifest as anxiety, depression, chronic stress, nightmares, a voice, migraines…the list goes on

Problems do not get better with time, they get worse. They just do. Trust us on this one.

We estimate that 3 out of every 10 divorced women knew their marriage was a mistake on their wedding day!

Our advice applies to men, too.

While the background and circumstances of every relationship differ, the reasons for staying with the wrong guy do not.  Our book, HOW NOT TO MARRY THE WRONG GUY is filled with thought-provoking questions and helpful strategies that address:

The Reasons – Whether it’s because they are afraid of being alone, afraid that no one better will come along, or because they are convinced that the situation will improve, women often stay when they want to get out.

The Signs – Red flags, that voice in your head and instinctive reactions may all be telling you to let go of your current guy. Learn how to recognize, tune in and pay attention to those signs that are trying to guide you.

The Feelings – Cold feet or pre-wedding jitters?  It can be hard to distinguish the difference between the desire to marry “the one” or the desire to “get married.”

The Break-Up – Age, hurt feelings, settling, divorce, financial fears are all objections that might keep you from ending a relationship. Put these objections aside; hurting yourself to avoid hurting someone else temporarily is rarely the right answer.

The Right Guy – Words of wisdom from those who have found the right guy and made it work. Decide what qualities you do want in a partner and stick to them.

Whether you are engaged, in a serious relationship or looking for Mr. Right, Our book will help you decide to either take the plunge or run in the opposite direction.

What’s our number one piece of advice? Pay attention to your gut feelings. If you have any questions, please feel to contact us via the website. You can also follow us on twitter or become a fan on Facebook. WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU!  Thanks so much. Anne and Jen

My coauthor Jennifer and I have made it our mission to help women  unstuck from the wrong guys. It can be a little uncomfortable to recognize your own mistakes in the stories of others…but we remind women that they are never going to meet the right guy–their half orange–if they are stuck in a relationship with the wrong guy.  After we have their attention they always ask us:

“So How do I find the right guy?”

Our answer?  Read Amy Spencer’s book: Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match.

We love Amy’s upbeat, positive approach to dating that doesn’t require a woman to change everything about herself to meet a man…or to settle. We are thrilled to have Amy sharing some of her upbeat advice as a guest blogger today!

How to Find the Right Guy After Not Marrying the Wrong One

By Amy Spencer

I thought about marrying a few of the guys I dated, but thank heavens I didn’t. Because by turning away those wrong guys, I ended up with the right one in a very happy marriage.

I credit my choice to a switcheroo in attitude that led me to write my new book Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match. What the heck is a half-orange, you ask? It’s based on the Spanish phrase mi media naranja, which translates as “my half-orange” but has come to mean “my sweetheart, my perfect other half.” And we all deserve one.

That’s why I’m so in love with the idea of Anne Milford and Jennifer Gauvain’s new book How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy. Because in order to find your right half-orange, you have to be willing to let the wrong guy go, and their book offers wonderful insight to help you break free. Before you’re ready to let go of that wrong one guy, of course, you need a strategy to find the right one. That’s where dating optimism—which is based in neuroscience and positive psychology—comes in. It led me straight to my husband, and it can lead you to yours.

I think the reason many of us stay stuck in relationships that don’t make us shine is that we picture the alternative: Being alone, on our own, with no man in sight. I felt that numbing panic when I was single until I realized this: “I can go on living as a scared, anxious woman, or I can be the happy, fulfilled, brave woman now who I want to be in a great relationship later!” That was my turning point, and it can be yours: By being your happiest, most authentic self, you will create an energy around you that will draw the right person to you naturally.

Here’s my best trick to jump start your dating optimism and find your half-orange in love: Look at the list you’ve been using all these years about what kind of man you want—where he’s “handsome,” “funny” and has a “good relationship with his family.” Now, take that list and toss it! Because by putting all that focus on what you want in a man, you take the control out of your own hands. Instead of listing what you want in a guy, list how you want to feel in a relationship.

For example, instead of “handsome, ask for “A relationship in which I feel madly attracted to my partner.” And instead of “funny” ask for “A relationship where we laugh our patooties off together.” In other words, stop looking at him and start looking into yourself. How do you want to feel in your perfect relationship? Your half-orange wants you to feel happy, pretty, smart, excited, loved, fulfilled and inspired. I think you should give yourself a chance to feel all that, too, and more.

Brilliant, isnt it? Let Jen and I  show you how to avoid the wrong guy, and Amy can help you bring in the right guy! To read more from Amy, visit her blog, TheDatingOptimist.com And if you were wondering how I got unstuck from the wrong guy–and how I found my half-orange– you can get the whole scoop on that story, too!

We totally get (and respect) the fact that not every woman on the planet intends to be a mom.  We also totally get the fact that you don’t need a man, merely his “donation” to get pregnant and raise a baby in this new world.  However, if your life’s intention is to find a man, marry said man and procreate with said man, we have some thoughts to share.  It seemed appropriate to have such a conversation with you given that Father’s Day is less than a week away!

When we ask twenty-somethings to describe the most important qualities they are looking for in a man, we get these typical responses:

• Someone who is attractive, someone you have physical chemistry with
• Ambitious
• Has a good sense of humor
• Respectful to others
• Honest

You know the typical list.  Having such a list will hopefully offer clues about his character.  But we would encourage you to add one more quality to your list:

• WILL BE A GOOD FATHER TO OUR CHILDREN

We know it’s hard to look that far out into the future, especially if you are in the romantic fog of a new relationship, engagement or wedding planning.  But this is a really important question you should ask yourself:  What kind of dad will he be?

• Will he be the kind of dad who runs to Walgreen’s at 2 am for Pedialyte so you can stay with a sick child?
• Will he clean up barf from the hallway when your toddler just couldn’t make it to the bathroom?
• How do you think he would handle a dinner table filled with noisy children and spilled milk?
• What is his patience factor?
• Is he a workaholic who will most likely miss events like Little League and Scouts?

Are you OK with any or all of the above?  If not, then try to imagine what your life will look like in all of the chaos which will fall squarely on your shoulders.  Now try to paint a different picture.  Same scenarios, same chaos, but with someone who will be there to support you, to weather the storms with you, who will still find you sexy with no make-up and a jelly-stained t-shirt!  A man who you can count on, who will have snowball fights in the back yard with your children, who will take the time out of their busy schedule and sit at a swim meet for three hours even though your kid comes in last place in every event, cheering them on as though they are competing for a gold medal. How about a guy who can cradle a baby in his arms and sing silly songs to help them get to sleep.  Are you  with a guy like this?  Do you want to be with a guy like this?  If not, what is stopping you?

We’ve talked to hundreds of women who said “I do” when they really wanted to scream “no, no, I don’t!”  Why do they go through with it? There are a lot of reasons. Here are a few samples from our interviews:

“It was too late to call it off!”

“I wanted to get married–and it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“We had been dating for seven years and I didn’t want to throw away that time.”

“I thought he would change.”

We’d love to hear your reasons…and any advice you can offer other June brides who are struggling with cold feet.

Here is some advice from two of our wise facebook fans:

• If you really don’t want to marry him, please don’t. It’s better to cancel now then to walk down the aisle and regret it later. It’s never easy to walk away, but it would be easier before than later.

• Listen to your gut and chalk up the lost deposits as being cheaper and less costly emotionally than a divorce.

We interviewed hundreds of women for our book. The women who canceled their weddings had no regrets… but the  women who got married anyway had plenty. Saying “I don’t” is difficult, but it’s a lot easier than being married to the wrong guy! What do you think?